This time last year I was ringing in the new year with my newborn daughter and double pneumonia. I barely made it to midnight as I desperately finished pumping in a lousy attempt to get my milk to come in. I was exhausted, sick and just learning what it meant to be mom.
Now here we are, one year later, happy and healthy and in a complete different place both figuratively and literally. D and I have done in a year the top 3 stresses you can put on a marriage: Baby, Unemployment, Moving and I think I can say that we have gone through these with flying colors.
As I have sat here these past couple of days I gone over in my mind how to post exactly about such a momentous year. I wanted something eloquent and thought provoking but there are so many emotions and words that I never have found a place to start because there really isn't just one thing that I can put my finger on.
Motherhood has changed me. It has forced me to become a better person, a calmer person, a more patient person. Camille makes me want to wake up in the morning and she makes me view life and take life a little less seriously. I have treasured every moment of these past 365 days and have found more enjoyment in them than I had found in several years. One little child that can bring so much joy and bring two people so close together.
December 27th I woke up with a little tear in my eye. How much I miss that sweet little newborn that would lay peacefully in my arms and I look back and can't figure out where those days went. There is a part of me that feels like I didn't treasure every moment like I should have. Instead of worrying about schedules and milestones maybe I should have just relaxed and held her longer. I kick myself for not taking monthly videos to have something to remind me what she looked like and how she acted at 7 months compared to now because, honestly, I just can't remember.
I miss my little baby, but I love my exploring toddler as she discovers new things every day. I love her new laugh when I tickle her right under her neck. I love hearing her sweet little voice as she proclaims "Button" at the site of anything and everything round. I love watching as she gets excited over her favorite books.
I will always be her biggest fan and I'll never make her feel like she is invisible. There is nothing this child can do that will make me love her less. I will always be her soft place to land as she goes out and tries to spread her wings. I want her to know she can makes mistakes, she doesn't have to be perfect and no matter what, my arms will always be here to embrace her.
I can't wait to see what this new year brings for her