Saturday, November 11, 2006

Bird in Hand

Today we got an email from the Agency where D was trying to get a job at but had to give up on after he lost his job. They want him to come in for an interview. He won't be taking the interview obviously because he has a job that we both are at peace with and know that this is exactly where God wants us, we both feel like God made that crystal clear and up until this morning I was at peace with that.

But getting the email and the offer just brought back that little spark of hope that one day I would eventually be able to move back home and for that moment I felt a little sad. We were so close. If D hadn't lost his job I would finally be able to leave Antarctica and return to the place of my childhood memories. I would have been 45 minutes from both of my parents and would have been a few hours from D's parents and from my Granny. When he found this job in July the anticipation just bubbled immediately. I starting house hunting and planning our new life in a new state and although it wasn't my hometown, it was still the D.C. area and that was all that mattered to me. Finally I would be able to call a Grandparent, any Grandparent and have them come for the day. If I was sick, I knew rescue was on it's way. When I went home in August I felt so happy, like this dream was finally coming true.

But then D lost his job and all of those grand schemes just came crashing down. We just didn't have time to wait for a Federal Government job to come through. Per my Parental Figure, who worked for them for his full career, it could take 2-3 months and we just didn't have that much time. We had to take bird in hand which would lead us to stay right where we are. I prayed and prayed about this and when D got the call for an interview here, I did feel relief and excitement. I had friends here, I had people who actually cared about the well being of myself and my baby. I had other Mom's who loved to have play dates with me. I would be leaving all of that behind, all of what helped me enjoy this new venture as a stay at home Mom.

I guess today, for that one moment, I was reminded that God has us right where he wants us and it certainly is not D.C. I try each and every day to not be bitter for the job loss situation. I still pray from time to time that my heart will never become hardened to those involved but that I will still love them, even if it is from a distance right now, I don't want to be bitter. So far I am not and I am thankful for that.

I did grit my teeth for just a moment today knowing how quickly that dream slipped out of my hands on that warm day in August, but I know, yes, I know for certain that it was all apart of God's plan. All of that happened for a reason so I have no room for anger even if angry words have been thrown my way, I will respond in love. How can I not? Right now our lives are going in a smooth direction. We are about to close on our first home, we have a amazing circle of friends and a strong marriage. Who could ask for more?

But, for that moment, I did feel a bit of sadness, and that's okay.

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