Friday, September 22, 2006

The Mole

It's been a long week.

It's been one of those weeks that should not have been that bad but turned out bad anyways. I should clarify because that statement is not entirely true. The week actually didn't turn out bad, it ended nicely but it's running start was bad, very bad.

I am, and I know I've mentioned this before, a hermit when it comes to dealing with life's little hiccups. I'm not one who finds comfort by being around others during frustrating times, I'm quite the opposite. Which is why my week turned out so bad, I mean began so bad. If I had just called a friend, set up playdates for Camille, just done something other than the nothing I found myself it would have been okay.

I'm stubborn.

Three whole days I stayed inside refusing to communicate with the outside world. By Wednesday I was going batty. It was a rock and hard spot type of argument I had with myself. I knew if I just went out I would feel a lot better. Going out though would obviously mean facing people and it was people that got me to this point so I just didn't want to deal with it.

Oh, did I mention that I also get extremely unreasonable when I become a hermit? Well, I do and it reminds me of a certain family member who shall remain nameless but that I love endlessly. This unreasonable side of me tells me that everyone is plotting against me and I should just remain inside. That same side tells you that everyone registered for library time without you and that is why there is only one slot open for Friday. It also schemes ways to catch them in their own game by emailing them and inviting them to go for walks at the park knowing full well that they won't respond because, ha, they're plotting to end their friendship with you. Guess how stupid that side feels when 2 of your 4 friends R.S.V.P. and would love nothing more than to see you. And the other friend who says she can't but you quickly assume that she is the mole in the group? Turns out she was spending time with a 90 year old woman that day. Jerk, that was me, not her. To make an already pathetic situation even worse, when I got invited over to a friends for lunch today I stupidly told her that she shouldn't feel obligated to invite me because, as you know, they are plotting to end their friendship with me which is precisely why the one friend announced while we all sat on the other friends patio that she is so glad we all found each other. Yet again, I'm a jerk. And a very paranoid one at that who should really just throw back a few more Martini's and loose the heck up because no one wants to be friends with someone who calls them a Mole.

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