Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Clean Slate

Look at you, you wonderful friends of mine who humored me and played this little game with me just to put a smile on this disheveled face of mine. And it worked, really, it did although these smiles have been few and far between but one did slip through the cracks. What hasn't had a hard time slipping through the cracks? Anxiety attacks. Full fledge, heart racing, butterfly invested stomach, anxiety attacks. I'm trying to not over react, to stay calm and rely solely on my faith knowing it has never let me down before. But saying faith and living faith are two different stories and the latter can be difficult.

But tomorrow is Thursday which means I have almost gotten through this week, which at times has felt impossible because all I keep thinking of is making it through to next week. Next week D has an interview and I need that interview to lead into a job. A permanent, this is where you will be living for the next few year, kind of job.

So, until then I hold my breath and wait and try to find things to do to keep my mind off of the obvious as I do this waiting. Tomorrow I get the amazing opportunity to have lunch with a friend that I thought I would never spend time with again. You all remember that old story, right? Well, I'm not going to link to it because it just isn't something I want to rehash and it wasn't a real enjoyable moment or one that I am even proud of. But one thing I have learned in the past few months is the art of forgiving one self and others. To bring yourself to a point of looking at each other with a clean slate in order to salvage the bases of what you grew your friendship on initially. Begin sifting through the issues that chipped away at the core and knowing that those issues aren't as important as what held you together in the first place.

Friends....whether ones I will never meet in real life but cherish like I have, or ones that I can't get through the real life's the glue that holds me together during these times when I feel like I can't hold myself together on my own.

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