Unfaithful

Tonight I did something that might hurt our friendship here. You might feel like I have betrayed you, like I've cheated on you, I've had an affair on blogger. Maybe we should go to counseling.

There have been times during this online journey of mine that I miss the days of anonymity. There are day when I wish no one knew that this little site even existed allowing me to possibly open up a teensy bit more. I'm no way an internet big wig like others are. As I've pointed out before, I'm not here for the ratings or the comments. I actually began this site almost 2 years ago as a way to keep my friends out of state up to date with my life. It began very boring, mundane, day to day occurrences here in the frozen tundra. There was no emotion, no chance of deep dark secrets coming out, and absolutely no soap boxes. But then it morphed into something bigger. My Dad's cancer progressed. And then my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. And just when I thought that the old saying was wrong, it did come in three's and I miscarried. I couldn't be all sugar and spice anymore. There was a lot of emotion that I needed to put out there and I found this amazing support from people I will most likely (but hope I could) never meet in my lifetime. But during this journey, I have received serious ridicule from friends, have shocked friends to a point that they feel they can nolonger be friends and obviously shown sides of me friends wish they didn't have to see.

So, I am regularly toning things down a bit or just not writing at all. I decided tonight to conduct an experiment and begin a whole new site. A site where no one knows me and I can write without the fear of offending someone or opening pandora's box. So, I signed up and began my new journey with butterfly's in my stomach. I would still write here but know I could have a place where I didn't have to tone it down. Where if I needed to rant and throw in some "words" here and there, I could because I didn't know who was reading and therefore wouldn't know if I was offending. Well, as if blogger was watching, I go to sign into the new site, and it didn't recognize me. I had the email with my user name and password right in front of me so I knew I was typing it in correctly but still, I kept getting denied. I even went as far as clicking on that "forgot password" option. No, I didn't forget the password but let's act like I did so we can reset the password that they insisted was wrong. Well, wouldn't you know it, now my email address was not in their records even though I had just received an email from their website.

I take it as a sign. Blogger will not allow me to be unfaithful. Blogger insist that I not have any other blogs and that I stick with it.

I will.

I will stick with it.

I promise.

I will never cheat on you again.

But, sometimes I am tempted. Sometimes I work so hard for our relationship but am not sure if you notice! See that cute little flickr thing changing pictures to your left? That's all for you! Updated always with new pics of the babe. But do any of you look at it? Noooo. I know this because there is a counter on it. And I know that no one is clicking on that darn thing that I work so hard to upload to and put cute little captions on, just for you. For your entertainment. So really? If I did cheat on you? It could have been because of that. And I even added a new link. See that new link? The link is to my amazing, wonderful online friend Ms. Panama? That I met through my site! And if you think that her site looks a teensy bit familiar it's because I gave her my old template because that's what online friends do for each other! Now, how on earth could I abandon ship when I get the opportunity to sound completely dorky by saying I have an online friend?

Ahhh...I love you!

So, you forgive me, right?