Saturday, November 19, 2005

State of Emergency

I insist for somebody to please, please give me a time-out. Tell me that I'm no longer allowed to receive phone calls, emails or instant messages.

The last 2 months here in Princess and Johnsy land have been filled with drama. I'm not going to say that it's been stressful or upsetting because up until this point I have not allowed for it phase me much. I've got better things going on in my life, my "perfect world" than the complexities of what has been brewing. Notice? I haven't even written about here in such an open forum. I've really only confided in one close friend and that was only to get a respected third person opinion. I've kept it to myself. I've brushed off the hurling accusations, shrugged my shoulders and whispered my typical "whatever" battle cry.

But, like any untreated wound, it will begin to fester and eventually come to a head, which it did yesterday, thanks to assortment of jerks, they finally broke me. And, let's not fail to mention that the fact I'm even writing this in such an open forum for that has been strictly prohibited. "They" find it very unfair that my counterpart and I would have the audacity to do such a thing. Well, you know what I say to that? The hell with all of you as I ferociously type away.

You know what really amazes me the most though? How, for some unknown reason, there's an unspoken rule that your family, and your family only has been given this powerful right to hurl false accusations at you, degrade and blame you on many levels and then? If you can even fathom it? You are supposed to just be there little marionette doll and take it quietly, because, well, they're family and they can treat however they damn well please. And in the end? They are not even expected to apologize.

Folks, this pregnant girl has had enough. I screamed out it utter frustration and pain yesterday and I cried hysterically from the hurtful accusations that were thrown my way as I was called childish from the left, intolerant from the right and behind me thrown the responsibility of someone elses life choices. I fell under the weight of these accusations and found myself empty and crushed. Childish? Intolerant? Responsible for someone else's life choices? These are the weapons that each person chose to use in the battle yesterday. Can I tell you how deeply each one of them cut me and how hurt they have made me? I've sat back and have been there punching bag. I haven't said a word. I haven't made any communication. I have tried to be the mature one here.

I obviously need to change my tactics because somehow, my counterpart and I are the ones getting hurt and injured and this wasn't even about us in the first place. This is a state of emergency and in such a state of emergency certain things must close down until the streets are safe again. And? They will reopen when apologies are made from all sides. Until then, can't me out.

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