Tuesday, October 18, 2005

People get ready...

there's a train wreck coming....oh yes, the inevitable train wreck that was predicted to arrive is about to make it's way into our family yet once again. I felt it coming, I saw the signs because they are the same each time, but there is a different twist that will occur with this one: I am no longer going to stand in the way of it. Typically I stand on the tracks, waving red flags and exert a enormous amount of energy hoping to prevent it. But? Guess what? No matter how much I try to stop it, no matter how much I jump up and down screaming to get their attention, it happens regardless and there I am left run over, depleted of all energy, unable to move. This time, I've decided to be a spectator and just sit back and watch it happen. I might get off the bench afterwards and go over and pick up some of the pieces, but I will not be an active participate. If you know me in real life, you know who and what I'm referring to. And you probably also remember how I get myself so emotionally bent out of shape as I fret about it. You've probably also witnessed me exacerbated afterwards. I gain nothing from doing this nor does the situation ever get better. So, it's a no brainer....this time I'm not investing the energy. I came to this conclusion this summer, after investing all of me into someone who wants known of me.

Instead of begging and pleading, I'm going to sit back and enjoy my life and the decisions and consequences that have come with it. Decisions and consequences that I am proud of. I'll rest easy in knowing that my marriage is secure because I work hard at keeping it that way. I'll relish the kicks and squirms of my unborn daughter and gaze into her room and dream about how it will be when she's here. I'll hug my husband a little tighter and watch my tone of voice a little closer because I would never want him to feel unloved.

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