Thursday, September 29, 2005


Apparently Shokufeh had a sales person that day that had at least a half an ounce of intelligence. After an irate call to customer service, I learned what Shokufeh was told at the store. You had to call to cancel the subscription. Trust me, if I knew that little tid bit of information I would have immediately said "no"! I am not good at that kind of thing, truly so bad at remembering little deadlines that D pays all the bills. If I was in charge we would have been homeless years ago. The one and only bill that I do pay is my student loan. Sadly, even with D reminding me, I still forget. So, a magazine deal where I would have to call or get billed, I would kindly decline. Obviously I was never told that little detail. The lady at Motherhood apologized that I was not told this and she would "investigate" the matter. I told her that this whole situation makes them look sleezy. That I was certain in the address form, in font small enough that only could be read by a magnifying glass was this information. That is why they are sleezy. I wish I could also have said (and wished even more that if I did say it it would have made a difference) that I will no longer be shopping at Motherhood. Unfortunately all I could do was call them names. I am a slave to Motherhood due to my inherited gene of height. They are one of the few companies who make maternity pants with an inseam longer than 31" and don't charge a weeks pay for it. Gap makes great long maternity pants but ask you to pay them $60 for an added 2" of clothe it takes. Since I am getting much, much larger and it's getting cold here in good ole' Antarctica, I am desperate for a good pair of pants. Comfy pants that don't cut off circulation to the baby, that kind of comfy.

If any of you are keeping count, I am now officially in my 3rd trimester, 7 months pregnant, 28 weeks along!! I'm getting quite round. Can't even fathom this. In 12 weeks this baby will be here and yet it still has not fully registered. I am going to be one shocked girl in December when they hand me a child to take home with me. My sister says I'm a drama queen. My sister was also given the good fortune of having innocent pregnancies so she knows no better. She doesn't know how it feels to loose something like this therefore she will never know how it feels to not have the luxury of being naive, sadly like many in my life who think I'm being dramatic. But every woman I speak with who have either dealt with a lose or infertility know exactly how I feel. Even women who have no clue that I even exist know how I feel. I love reading Zoot's site because she too can't grasp the concept that she indeed will be giving birth to her daughter soon. She, along with Amalah has made me feel pretty normal. I can't tell you how many times I have read their sites when they write about there feelings on their pregnancies and have walked away feeling like I am not just being dramatic. I could never explain it to you unless you've been there. It's like a tug-a-war in a sense. There is one side of your brain that is so very very excited. It allows you to plan things in your mind how it will be to have this child with you. You might even realize during your day dreaming that there is an item in your day dream that you don't have so you hop over to eBay to bid on it. And that is when the other half of your brain switches on. You then think that maybe you should just hold off another week or so just incase. I still haven't made an appointment for my hospital tour which means I still haven't decided on which hospital I will be delivering at because if I decide that means that everything will be okay and if I accept that everything is okay that means I might jinx it. My doctor doesn't like this logic. He's giving me until my next ultrasound before he allows his staff to give me a hard time. They will have to be the ones to register me last minute see. And yes, you read that right; I get another ultrasound on October 13 to try again to view the spine. The doctor said it was up to me if I wanted to go through it again. Should that even be stated in a question? It helps ward off paranoia for a good while.

But today? Well, having a bad "feeling confident" day. She hasn't moved as much as I like for her to. It makes me horribly nervous. I rub my belly, shake my belly, drank tons of water, ate sugary food...yet she still refuses to amuse me.

Do you think I'll be one of those mothers who wake their sleeping baby in the middle of the night just to make sure she is okay? When will it end?

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