I want to be a good mother. I want to be the kind of mother that does everything educationally correct for her child. Everyone says that this is the time that you're supposed to be singing and talking to your child and playing music. These things I want to do. I am already talking to Camille and calling her by name, especially when she kicks me and I know she is awake. And if she is not kicking me for a period of time, my anxiety sets in and I end up waking her up until she does kick. D thinks this is very cruel of me. He says she needs her sleep. But Momma needs her reassurance and just a little kick. When I get that little kick I'm better and I call her by name and then she can go back to sleep.
I do try to sing her too, but I only really know one lullaby and from what everyone tells me you're supposed to sing kid friendly music to your little cherub so that when they come into this world all upset you just play that kid friendly tape and they'll recognize it and miraculously calm down (at least that's my bizarre interpretation). Well, here's the thing: Although I do have kid friendly tapes, thanks to Jenn (the friend), I don't have any kid friendly cd's. I do have a little tape player at home home (a.k.a. D.C. home) but only a portable cd player here and it's hard to play tapes in a cd player.
Now, I really really try to go with the norm of society. I don't always succeed and that is quite apparent to many. But what is wrong with playing her a little Simon and Garfunkel instead? I want Camille to be well rounded like D and I. I want her to, at least musically, have an appreciation for all types of music. I don't want to just have her "into" kid friendly music but want her to like various genre's. Growing up, do you want to know what my most favorite song was? The song that till this day I know every single word to and I don't know words to any song, just sit with me in the car...I do a lot of blah blah blah's to songs when I sing along because I don't know the words. Cecilia by Simon and Garfunkel, that's was and I think I could honestly say still is a most favorite song of mine. Have you ever read the lyrics to that song? I knew every word to it but didn't even understand the implication and really didn't bother to think about it at the age of 8. I just loved the music. I want Camille to have that. I want for her to enjoy the Annie Lennox Medusa album as much as I do. I also want for her to have an appreciation of Classical Music unlike her Momma. That is one thing I regret about my musical self. I just don't enjoy listening to classical but would hope a little Tchaikovsky would teach Camille to appreciate it like her Pop-pop.
So once again I am stuck in the position of being different. But my parents raised me to be different, to be a free thinker and I could only hope that Camille goes against the flow rather than to morf into everyone else. I want for her to dance barefoot on the hardwood floors to Fleetwood Mac's Vain just her like Momma did. That was pure childhood bliss.