Monday, June 13, 2005

Silent Treatment

I am a fan of the Dr. Phil show, I admit this with much regret. Typically when I go home for lunch, depending on the subject matter of the show that day, I DVR it. Unfortunately for D he will come home from work and sit and watch it with me (don't tell him I told you that!). When I say it depends on the subject matter of the day, I mean that if it is a show about makeovers or wedding days gone wrong, that doesn't really do it for me. I only DVR the shows that subject matter focuses on someone acting stupid. See, I get pleasure out of watching stupid people being told just how stupid they are being. The specific series of shows that I like to watch are what he titles "Family First" where he follows a family and works on fixing their absurd lifestyles. I thoroughly enjoyed the show last year where the family was Mormon, and the wife had like 20 affairs. That was funny because she made stupid look smart and Dr. Phil just ripped her pieces. Again, stupid people being told how stupid they are, just beautiful.

Now, I tell you this because for the past week I have felt like I was the viewing audience on the Dr. Phil show and this person, who you might remember as Cheese, was the Mormon lady who needed to be enlightened on just how stupid she was being. The only difference here was, I'm not Dr. Phil but instead a burnt out sibling who is sick and tired of the drama. And don't think I haven't been tempted to call Dr. Phil on Cheese, because, trust me, I have contiplated. Really, at this moment, Cheese makes the Mormon lady look intelligent. After many talks and urging to Cheese to please make an intelligent decision, to no avail, I have given up. I have decided that I don't have the time at the moment to hit my head against a brick wall, because, really, I have better things to do with my time.

Now, there has been a hot topic of conversation between myself and "parental figure" surrounding the concept of empathy and my lack of it. Before I can even state my point, I want to give you the definition as found in my old psych book from college:

Empathy is the recognition and understanding of the states of mind, including beliefs, desires and particularly emotions of others. This concept is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes".

Now, if using that definition, then, NO, I do not have empathy for Cheese. I do not understand the state of mind of someone who constantly walks down the same destruction path in life time and time again. I cannot put myself into these shoes because they have become very worn out over the past 17 years. When does it come a time when you, as the supportive family member finally says enough is enough as you watch your bloodline make the same mistakes continuously only coming out from it not learning but repeating. I do not understand the emotions of someone who refuses to seek counsel for what is obviously a devastating personal characteristic in their life, not to mention a characteristic that has nearly destroyed you on several occasions. And the belief part? Do I believe it is right to become emotionally attached to the opposite sex when you are still married? I can't not share or understand that belief either. That is singly the most destructive thing you can do to your marriage. Fix the relationship, don't go looking for a new one. Of course, if it can't be fixed then just follow family tradition,what just worked out SO well for us and get a divorce.

****Letting out a huge sigh****

Fine, my inner child is still bitter over the hand that was dealt to her and I can't help but revert back to being 7 years old and giving everyone the silent treatment. Because, you know, you should have empathy for my inner child.

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