Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Good Mom Badge

I have always considered myself to be well informed. Be it fashion, politics, current events, you name it, I at least have a hint of knowing it. But to my prideful surprise, it turns out I am so out of the loop when it comes certain pregnancy/parenting related topics. Not like I don't have opinions on these subjects, but what I have not been aware of is the extreme movements that follow each. Let me also state that I view myself as pretty opened minded and intelligent. But it turns out that so many women becomes so caddy if you don't hold their same perspective on these subjects and use their clubs propaganda to diswayed you from making such a horrible decision that will obviously scar your child for the rest of eternity. From my 15 1/2 week experience of a soon to be mom, I've gotten 2 questions raised over and over again and my responses have already raised eyebrows because obviously I am not giving the correct answers. The third hot topic I didn't even realize was a hot topic until I read the brutal comments on S.J.'s site. 170 + plus comments to be exact. Can you even imagine that many comments? Geez, here in Princess land I don't even have 1% of that much traffic in a day! So, without further adieu, may I introduce the decisions which will ultimately mark me as a bad mom:

Decision #1: Childbirth

Let me say this loud and clear. Everyone put down their remote, set your instant messenger to away so there is no confusion here: I, by no means of my own, plan on ever giving birth without drugs. I don't care how much money you would be willing to pay me I will never, by my own accord choose to push a watermelon through a hole the size of a pea with the aid of heavy duty, powerful, mind hallucinating drugs. And no, I could really give a hoot that my baby will not be born wide eyed and bushy tailed due to the drugs because, I am sure, in 3 days at 2 a.m. he/she will be more awake than ever. And the bologna (which is the equivalent to crack I hear during pregnancy) that is being fed to me that my baby won't bond to me as well due to the drug interaction is as ridiculous as saying that having sex during pregnancy will cause my child to sustain perminant craters in his/her head. And a final point on this subject, just to drill into your head where I'm coming from: When I go for a root canal, I don't tell my dentist "Forget the drugs doc, I'd prefer to get this done naturally". Pain during childbirth was given to us as a curse (for all of you theologians) and personally I don't like feeling cursed. If you do and you view it as the prime achievement in your life, I would suggest driving in rush hour traffic on I-495, not as painful but you can still mark it as an achievement...especially if you live here because seriously you silly people, the Northway is just a backroad where I come from.

Decision #2: Breastfeeding

Ahhh.....the age old decision that weeds out the good moms from the bad moms (good mom's being the ones that breatfeed until 24 mths). Here is my take on this: I've seen my sister go through the "joys" of "teaching" her son to nurse. And she has assured me that the first six weeks are hell, but, to keep it up because the rewards far out way the six weeks of cracked nipples, a hysterical screaming child and a overly burnt out mom. I promise you this, dear La Leche League (aka: good moms), I will attempt to achieve the joys of breastfeeding but will be guilt free when I choose another form of feeding that does not require a specialist to come to my house to teach my child to feed. Avent is a heck of a lot less painful. For those women who have found this incredibly simple, more power to you. But me, personally, I don't want to inhibit what is truly the earliest stages of bonding by some brainwashed idea that the breast is the only thing that is best. What is best is a enjoyable feeding time between you and your child. If breastfeeding works for me, I will wear my good mom badge with pride. But if it isn't what is best for me and my child, I will happily, without hesitation or guilt, turn in that badge.

Decision #3: Snipping

Now, this topic was the real shocker of hot topics to me, as stated above. I never knew that people really get all that fired up over such a, what I thought was simple, subject. A couple of days ago, S.J. posted she and her husband's question of whether or not to circumcise their son (if indeed she has a son). What was supposed to be, for sure, a lighthearted discussion turned into a huge fiasco of name calling and judgmental tones. Again, as stated above, to the tune of 170 + comments. I found it truly fascinating that people were slinging words around such as mutation, Nazi's and uneducated towards parents who have snipped. I'm not going to say which D and I have decided nor will I ever ask anyone their opinion. I'm not stupid. I've learned well from S.J. But I will say this: D and I don't wear turtlenecks.

So, there it is folks. The 3 most controversial decisions that will mark my parenting journey as either a success or failure. To some, I might seem like a deadbeat mom already, I mean, I have been eating hot dogs and bologna without regret. But others but agree with what my friends pediatrician said to her when she decided not to breastfeed: In five years when your child is on the playground you won't be able to tell who was bottlefed or who was breastfed.

And may I add that I am sure that my five year old will never say to me how much he regrets that I had powerful drugs during his delivery therefore making him feel like he didn't get the chance to bond with me immediately. But, he will be thanking me for not giving him a turtleneck for Christmas this year!

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