Thursday, May 19, 2005

Can you say Soapbox?

Has anyone noticed that it has been a while since I have droned on and on about work? Anyone notice that is has been 3 whole months with not one complaint about this place I suffer through 8 hours each day? Now, if one was analysts one would come to the conclusion that the work environment had a shift of winds and it has been smooth sailing for these past blissful 3 months. The poor analysts would come to that conclusion should really consider finding himself a new career. No friends, work has not been a tropical vacation by any means. The drama of the this pregnancy has just been on the fore front of my mind these past 10 weeks. I do miss my droning about my place of employment, sure, you all don't miss it, but how refreshing would it be to read a post that doesn't consist of complaints of morning/afternoon sickness and pessimistic outlook's on life?

Work really has been more like that darn virus that runs in the background of your mind. It's a sneaky little thing, and there is no program that will rid you of it except to just disarm it and start from scratch. You don't quite realize how much it affects your daily functions until you sorta open up the jar and look closely inside of it. I honestly must say that I work with the most incompetent group of people ever known to man. And by incompetent group of people I am really only referring to a small number of individuals. I won't give an exact number, because then I really would be pointing out who it is and I really need to keep this job for at least another 30 weeks, that is if I want to stay in adoption until I retire to be a mom for a spell. Although there have been mind boggling circumstances occurring here, I guess this pregnancy has really become my ticket out of here. I no longer feel helpless because I calmly whisper to myself that soon it will be over. I only stay to gain the experience to use at a later point in my life. And I enjoy the every Friday off routine and don't feel like hunting for another temporary job that fits my traveling schedule for the summer....I have already bought my non-returnable tickets. I also stay because, frankly, where the heck else I am going to work temporarily, and who knows where I even will be once this child comes.

Ooops, so there, I said it...and "it" might come like a bombshell to some of you reading this but honestly at this point in the game D and I have no clue where we will be hanging our hats come December. It's not that we don't want to live here anymore, it just that we want to be able to live and D's job is not enabling us to do so. New York is a ridiculously expensive state to live in and D's place of employment refuses to accept this fact and rewards D's hardwork with mediocre raises. Not to mention that the cost of living has sky rocketed here in the last 2 years making it impossible to own a house on your own unless you have a Great Aunt Hilda that dies and leaves you a huge inheritance. I don't have any rich Great Aunt Hilda's and since I am the youngest and most conservative in the family I typically get rewarded with little help from my family (okay, that is SO another soap box for another day that will, and actually I can guarantee will piss off every member of my family....oops, I forgot, I am not allowed you use your penny banks...STOP there Emily, you want at least one person to show up at the birth of your child). As I was saying, since I have no Daddy Warbucks, I have to make it on my own and at this point since no one is running to rescue us, renting cost us much less that owning our own home.

As much I don't want to stand on this soap box, I must because now that I mentioned it I am really annoyed and it must be said. There is this cycle in my family where others have their own personal piggy banks. They chip a nail? They can run to either bank and get the money for a manicure to fix it. Blow money on a new computer and now can't afford groceries? No problem, we'll just go shopping for you! If I need just one penny there are more string attached than that used to make a king size comforter. "Sure, we'll help you out Em, but you'll pay for it until you die!" Just last week my own Grandmother said to me how I am so smart with my money that they don't needs to help me. Which is true but I feel like I get punished for being responsible. So maybe the trick is for me to get really irresponsible and make absurd decisions, open numerous credit cards, buy every electronic device that D could dream of, every Franco Sarto shoe designed, buy a huge house I can't afford and then maybe, just maybe I could sit and tap into a personal piggy bank. Now that I am done having a mini pity party for myself, I know in my heart I could never do these things. My principles and values for money are to strong. Maybe it's harder for me to run to piggy banks because I have worked since I was legally allowed, paying my own way through Private High School and every material item that I desired. I respect the value of a dollar because I've worked 60 plus hours a week at one point in my life just to earn it. Others in my family don't know how that goes. Just two years ago I would work a full time job just to run home, eat and go to my night job. I have always made good financial decisions and the ones that haven't been all that good, I've paid my way out of it myself. The times that my mother does buy me an extravagant gift, I feel enormous guilt because I know that she is trying her hardest to retire and the last thing she needs at this point in her life is to be financially responsible for her children. We are adults and need to start making adult financial decisions and not be dependent on our family members anymore. Even if that means living in a one bedroom apartment, drive a small car and not have all the material desires of your hearts. At least I can go to bed each night with a clear conscience that I have paid my own way that day and made responsible financial decisions. I know if tragedy would strike, and D and I would run out of funds certain people in my family would be there for me. But that would be the only way I would even have a somewhat clear conscience to ask.

So, as I was saying before the soapbox tirade. We don't know where to go to be able to live. It might be Pennsylvania, New Jersey or even Virginia. It's whoever will offer D a job with the salary that will allow us to live. I don't care where it is, as long as it is no further than 8 hours from my family, specifically my mom as that is where most of the family get together's occur. We are going to try for this area, although the pickings are slim but that would cause the least amount of disruption. Bottom line: New York is ridiculously expensive and D's job isn't keeping up. For all I know, come December, I will be using my tub as a crib!

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