Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Okay, so I have a lot of catching up to do, I know. But let me first begin with a follow up to my last post. My Dad is obviously feeling slightly picked on by my overwhelming talk of "Denial" which he keeps asking me "What the heck am I denying". Fine, the cat is so out of the bag now...hint, hint...that overwhelming talk of denial there **in a whisper I say** I was talking about ME!!

Yep, me, not you Dad, me, really!! I tried to explain this to him over Thanksgiving but he just wasn't believing me, and no thanks to my wonderful husband who insisted in chiming in how he too assumed I was totally talking about Dad also. I know you can still argue with me that I was referring completely to my Dad being the deny'er but come one, it's my site and I can say whatever the heck I want....blah blah blah ya ya ya...see, saying whatever I want!! So, I am sorry if my written word causes you to disagree but they are my opinions!

Alrighty, if I was keeping a list of topics to cover, this would be numero 2:

Thanksgiving as a whole turned out to be quite successful, just one or two knicks, but again, I am referring to it as a whole (and I will get to those knicks soon). Mom looked really great, as if she is starting to really improve. She still needed some help in the kitchen, which all of us were more than happy to oblige. I am not quite sure if she was really doing okay, or just really wanted Thanksgiving. Before this Turkey day she and my Grandmother had talked about possibly canceling our annual get together. I know this thought just crushed mom as she loves to see all her kids together so that is why I think even if her incision was killing her, she would have just ignored it! D says she is looking really good. I am glad he thought that because right now I my eyes don't see things in a very positive light. I think the highlight of my visit home would be our 5 a.m. waking, all in the name of shopping! Not as if you really needed another reason to think I am just way out in left field, but..... Koh'ls was having an incredible sale at 5:30 am and mom wanted atleast one of her kids to go with her. Well, we each woke up thinking the other 2 wouldn't go and we didn't want to have mom go by herself. To our surprise all 3 of us were there standing in the kitchen...heck, even to my surprise! Not only was I shocked that I woke up so early, but I actually went shopping with, you ready...No makeup, running pants and a long sleeve T, hair (dirty mind you) pulled back in an elastic!! I figured, who cares, it's just Kohl's, or I thought! Our travels ended up bringing us to Tysons Corner, the snitty mall with really pretty people! And then there's me...the whole time I was praying:

"Dear God, I know you have brought cancer into my family so you really must not like me right now...but, do you think you can atleast spare me the embarrassment of running into someone in this treacherous condition?"

Whola, prayers answered (can't spare Dad cancer, but atleast he spared me humiliation!) I got out of the mall with no run ins..so, the day was successful! Then the worst part came, which it always does, it was time to say goodbye and leave for the in-laws (no I am not saying that visiting them is awful...saying goodbye to mom is the awful part). This visit was smooth...so smooth that it doesn't even require a number. D's family is the quiet family so not much drama. If they (not D's fam, they the others) had any negative feelings for me, I would never know..which is probably good b/c my list of those whom I annoy just grows daily. I am a little shocked that noone has dedicated a blog solely for the purpose of how much I annoy them! So, my wish was answered, for this small moment I was able to use the word simple to describe that 24 hours in my life!

Topic #3 (if I was making a list that is):

Dad's visit...okay, now, here is where I really can defend my position of the "Denial" issue and maybe prove once and for all that I really was referring mainly to myself (but whose keeping score). On the drive to Dad's D asked how I was feeling about this appending visit knowing how overly emotional and melodramatic I am when it comes to the issue of Dad's health right now. My response was that of one who has earned the Princess of Denial title and said: "Hmm...don't know, not thinking about it anymore" When we got to Dad's I stood outside just watching everyone from the bay window, it was very surreal..I could see them but they couldn't see me, it was like my own reality show, I had front row tickets. When I got a good look at Dad, I plainly ignored the fact that this man was not the same man I had just seen 3 months back...totally ignored it, took a huge breath and waltzed through that door with the strength of a freight train. If he's gotta be strong, I need to be also. I did catch myself a few times focusing on what really was and felt some desperate tears trying to escape...those I shooshed away. But honestly, you get use to the different appearance especially once he starts talking and you realize that he might have lost his hair but he hasn't lost his relentless pursuit at picking on you......and life goes on I guess.

As far as that little "knick" to my successful weekend. Now, I will tell ya', I have debated with myself how the best way should be to deal with this huge crater of frustration that has been thrown inside of me. I have cursed, I have threatened silently.....I have even contemplated making a list of people who are on my last nerve and put this person right at #1. Well, cautious D advised against this...he said I wouldn't have any friends left and people would think I was to grumpy. I decided he was right, I don't want people to think that I am grumpy. I promise this is just a season. Well, instead I have decided to just get it out here and leave it.

We begin when (I shall call them Mac and Cheese) Mac, Cheese and I were having a nice little light hearted conversation. No snide remarks, just shooting the breeze talking about their little Chicken Nuggets. I made a comment about how one of their Chicken Nuggets (b/c it is a little different than other Nuggets) might have some issues later down the road when it starts dating for the obvious reason that they live in an area that is STATISTICALLY proven not to like different Nuggets....STATISTICALLY Proven ya' yoyo, no need to get defensive!! I didn't call Mac a yoyo at first, I am calling Mac a yoyo now! Here is what happens next:

Due to the fact that my venting was successful, I have decided to remove the remaining slander instead of risking an uprise, or shall we get old school and say instead of risking the "Return of the Mac"
Please email me for the rest of this dialogue.
11:15 p.m.

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