Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Although today is only Tuesday, I am already asking myself if the weekend is here yet. You know it's going to be a long week when you waking up thinking it is Thursday and realize what day it actually is. I had to sit in bed this morning and break the bad news to myself, really, for a moment there I was in denial that yesterday was really just Monday. After the type of day I had at work it felt like it had to be Wednesday! It really has been some bad days in the world of adoption. For starters, we received a court order on Friday to return a child back to her drug addicted father!! If that wasn't stressful enough, we have a family in Ukraine who have been there over 3 weeks now ~ the trip was only to be 2 weeks, and they still have not been matched with a child. After scurrying around trying to put out those fires, I received a call from a fellow Social Worker who informed me that a birthmother I had been counseling for the past 3 weeks had given birth but had decided to parent the child. Let me stop right there for a moment ~~ at *** we in no way want to pressure a woman to place her child, it really has to be a decision she comes to by herself. I can guide her through the adoption process, but at the same time I will assist her with finding resources that would allow her to parent. So, when a woman changes her mind, we completely understand and support her decision fully. Even after that we will still provide her with resources that she can tap into who can assist her. With that being said, this really just added more chaos to the day because I now have to place a call to a family that believed that they had been chosen to parent this child and tell them that she has changed her mind. This is very difficult to do because these families typically have dealt with so much loss already and are experiencing infertility that this is just another thing to grieve. Very hard to do. Ofcourse, on the flip side of this, it is also very hard to counsel a woman who has just placed a child because you know she is in so much pain and now she is grieving, either way someone is hurting and it is now my job to help ease some of that pain. grueling week, today didn't go any better in the emotional area either. Ofcourse I had just ended a weekend where I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz chatting over and over again "There's no place like home, There's no place like home". You know it really hits you at the oddest moments. Friday I had a great day with my friend Christy, she is honestly my closest and dearest friend here in New York. We spent the afternoon making cards and playing with her 3 kids. I even returned that evening after dinner and scrapbooked. But for some odd reason Saturday it just hit like a ton of bricks. I become desperately homesick and couldn't stop from crying which for me is so unusual (crying). I pride myself in not being a big crier. If I can cry for over 3 min, I consider that a big thing. But this lasted for hours, and, I just let myself cry and cry and cry. I have learned that there is nothing wrong with missing home. It doesn't mean that I don't love my husband or love being married. It doesn't mean that I would ever think of leaving. But, I just missed so much of Northern Va ~~ I miss the Beltway and the thrill of merging onto I=95 from I-495, I miss Chipolte's and Quiznos, I miss Jenn and her kids and really miss Melissa. And ofcourse I miss my mom, sitting on my the screened in porch and rocking in the wicker rocking chairs with my cats at my feet and listening to the creek in the back. I just miss home. But, after hours of crying, it is amazing how God just puts His merciful hand on your shoulder and guides you back home and sends little things your way to just remind you that He is faithful. It's an letter from your sweet Grandmother with her adorable sense of humor, it is the thought that if I was in Va I wouldn't have Christy, it is a kind letter from a friend you have never actually met but feel like you've known forever. And ofcourse it is a husband who loves you with all his heart, so much that he calls your sister because he is so worried because you are so sad. And just when you think you are about to just scream and pull your hair out, you receive a call from your dear sister who has been right there in your shoes and reassures you that everything will be just fine.......and life is so so good.

I am hoping that the worst is over for the week and that tomorrow will begin with only good news! I finally did get my pictures back tonight from my trip to Virginia. Typically I use the 1 hour photo options, but have decided to be wiser with my money and send the pics away. Remember how I asked in one of my post if anyone had ideas of how to load pics without scanning each individual one? Well, no one over responded, which is okay because Sam's club now offers all your pics on a disk! This has worked out so much better and it only took a couple of minutes to load the pictures onto Shutterfly. So check them out, they are really cute!!

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