"And you learn to accept defeat, with your eyes open and head held high.
With the grace of a woman not the grief of a child"
I remember reading this when I was 16 and such a young and tender age it spoke volumes to me. As I've grown, it has stuck with me and brought a lot of meaning throughout my life. The circumstance might have changed from year to year, but the meaning of it has always stayed the same.
When I started this site my life's direction was pretty self-centered, as it should have been for that time period. I was newly married, newly moved and learning how to be a wife and love my husband. It was all about me, my husband and the life we were forming together. My Johnsy and me, his princess. The title of this blog made a lot of sense.
But then the Camille was born and life was not all about me. Nor was it all about Derek. It was now about us being parents and the princess is this picture changed as did this blog.
I've grown so much since those early days of being a Mom. At times the growth was painful, and through this blog, I would vent about those moments which came at a high price. I hurt people, important people who I loved. Through God's grace, those relationships have been restored. I will never do anything to put them into jeopardy again.
"...with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child"
I've a lot throughout the years, but the most important thing I've learned is the art of shutting up. The art of knowing when to show grace and just say nothing, to walk away from situations in order to not bring more damage and allow for future restoration, which is at times not close to God's purpose, so in that it's learning to let go and move on. This has been an important lesson especially when it come to one of the most important relationships of all: Family. These years have been filled with strife and uncertainty but the one thing that has been constant is my determination to learn when to shut up and not give into that childlike grief.
In the end, as I have change, moved on, this site also needs to change. It is no longer about me and my Johnsy. It's about this peace I feel in this place in my life. The grace I've accepted and the grief of things not going my way that I've rejected. I've learned that people aren't necessarily who you thought they would be, no matter how much you love them or try to support them. Those people will most likely be the exact ones to reject you. It's not about them rejecting you in the end, but it is about you loving them during the process.
This blogs address will change. You will no longer be able to find this blog under the address you have used right now. I'm not going to post the new address but welcome you who would like to follow me in the journey to leave a comment and/or email me I'll forward you the new address.
Hope to see you continue this journey with me.