Life had been so uncomfortable for us during that time, we didn't know which way to turn and everything just felt so uncertain. There were so many unknowns. Now we sit here, the strongest our marriage has been by far, as we build not and not tear down, in our home. Not a 900 square foot apartment but a home, a place to call our own. And we finally feel like we're home, in this frosty place I like to call Antarctica, but it is home.
We've cultivated new friendships and have begun to allow myself to plant some roots as I learn to cut some old ones. I think when I got married, I never quite understood the concept of "Leave and cleave" until recently when I was forced to look around and see the only one still standing by my side was husband, who I finally let become my biggest supporter. It was a rude awakening and one that still causes some pain, but I know it's where I need to be because I strongly believe if my marriage isn't okay, my child won't be okay. I know there has been a friendly debate over at FFG's site about who should come first, the husband or the child and although I didn't chime in over there, I have been putting a lot of thought into it.
Coming from a single parent home, I guess I always felt that I wanted to give my kids something I never had in life: A Mom and Dad who actually love and respect each other. I wanted to show them what a loving marriage looked like. I want my kids to know that I do put their Dad above them because if he and I are okay? Then they're okay because they have stability staring right at them.
Right now, I feel at peace. I have a wonderful husband, a new little girl kicking inside of me, and the opportunity to wake up to this adorable face every day.
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