As Camille's first birthday quickly approaches, I mentally make a list of all the people I am going to invite for her party. There is a list, quite a lengthy list of Mama's and their babies who have been involved in our lives for this past year. Some of them have just been brought into my life within the past few months and some of have been there since I was pregnant with Camille.
But then there are some, well, many, who won't be there, who won't be invited, who don't even care but should have cared. They swore they're allegiance when I discovered my pregnancy and talked about how excited they were and how they were going to be here for us and now when the shit really hits the fan they scattered like mice. And maybe the shit didn't really hit and they just don't have any other excuse other than not giving a damn and just vanishing out of my life because they could. I emailed. I called. Hell, for some of you reading, you know that's a major deal for me. But to no avail I don't get a call back or a email reply.
Needless to say, I'm hurt that they don't want to be here. I feel selfish just saying this. I feel like I am surrounded by the most amazing group of people and here I am crying poor mouth about the ones who don't want to be around. People do that, I know, they let you down. I also know that sometimes God does some pruning in our lives and it's for our own good. I know that sometimes God says no and tell us to move on. But I didn't know how it could hurt and how it feels even worse when it involves your child.
I think I'm going to need another cookie.