Loosing

Today I called a good friend. We were supposed to get together, she wanted to show off her new home, rightfully so, she had suffered in a apartment for the past 3 years along with her husband and 3 year old son waiting for said home to finish being built. She had also been waiting for something else. She had been waiting ever so patiently for a second child. For a year and half she and her husband tried to get pregnant but with no luck. Each month was the same thing, and each month she grew more and more desperate. That was until last month, the last week here in the apartment complex we shrieked together outside my door as she announced the good news to me. I've never been the type of girl who shrieks at good news, I'm just not that person. But last Saturday I became that person for my good friend, she deserved it.

Today I called that good friend and today we didn't shriek, we sighed as she sadly announced the bad news to me. Ectopic Pregnancy.

I never really felt closure since I miscarried. I'm that person who seeks meaning in life's major events and this event just never held concrete meaning for me. It was definitely a pivotal time in my life because for some reason I quickly learned not to trust everything around me, maybe trust isn't the right word. Maybe the best way to put it is that I never will be so naive to think that life just happens as we always dreamt it would. Sometimes life throws curve balls on the way to our dreams.

I'll never understand why God allows women to loose their children, I'll never understand the meaning in that. I'll never understand what good is supposed to come out feeling that emptiness inside of you.

Being there today for my friend didn't bring meaning to why God allowed me to miscarry but it did strength the bonds of friends. I know that look in her eyes, I know that feeling, I've been there too. She is now added to that link on the chain of woman who have lost.

I'm so sorry my dear friend. Grieve as you must, and I will be here as you need me.