Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Square Peg

I don't post to bring comments or to stir controversy. Granted I might be considered an instigator, for the most part I write just to write. I put my thoughts down without a care of who reads it or how most of you will take it. Now, I don't say that to be mean. You know I love all of my faithful readers but if I was to write according to everyone's preference, I wouldn't be able to write at all. Each of you comes from different walks of life and have polar opposite beliefs. And that's just referring to the people I know who read here. So, if you are an easily offended type, or someone who's looking to vent on the first person who writes something you disagree with, you should move right along, please.

Before Camille was born everyone, I mean everyone, would ask me if I was going to homeschool. Why? Why this particular question? My sister homeschools her three so I guess everyone assumes it's contagious so I would just without a thought follow suit. If you know me, you'd know I don't follow suit. I make my own. I would laugh at this question and promptly give my no way in hell response. I was certain, and I would say this, that I would be ready to kick my child out of the house as early as 3 so thank God for preschool. I also wanted my child to be normal. To be cookie cutter. Something I never was. I was a social outcast and have been for my entire life and I've adjusted to that. Even as an adult I obviously still have friends ditch me because I don't fit into their pretty little perception of what I should be. I don't want Camille to be a social outcast. I want her to be as boring as a brown paper bag. I've always been a square peg not fitting into anyone's stereotype. Christians say I'm to liberal, Liberals say I'm to conservative. Passive women say I'm to aggressive, Aggressive women say I'm to passive. Can't win to loose. So I've been committed to have circle pegs that fit perfectly.

But then I became a Mom. Then I met my daughter and started to parent her. And now I realize, whether I like it or not, my views on how I raise my daughter, well, let's just say she'll be a square peg like me. I stay home with my daughter which makes me different than a handful of my friends. I now can honestly say I love being home with her and don't find this a daunting task. I also invest a lot of time molding this little child into the type of person I think will help her succeed in this society. I have certain expectations that I hope I will live up to. I won't go into them here, not now, but those expectations will make my daughter stand out a little in our society. See, I don't want to dumb her down. I want to challenge her. I want her to be a thinker. I don't want her to be labeled and then expected to perform accordingly. So, now, when I think about her life and where I want to see her 5 years from now? I don't want to see her anywhere else but here, with me, molding her. I don't want her socially engineered by strangers. Actually I don't want her socially engineered at all, I want her educated. What I'm saying is, and really, I shutter at the thought that I'm admitting this to the world or the internet population:

We are considering homeschooling her.

There, it's out.

I've been outed.

Before you jump the gun and leave a rude comment let me give you this disclaimer: If you send your child or will send your child to public school or private school or school of fish, I'm in noway judging you. There is no right answer. One size does not fit all. I'm simply saying that the way I will parent Camille, she might fit best in the model of homeschooling and my ONLY point is that this shocks the hell out of me that I am feeling this way.

Now everyone calm down and take a deep breath and make yourself a strong Martini.

Peferably a Chocoalte Martini.

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