Thursday, April 07, 2005

Mood Swings: Be Warned

Not like many people are reading today, maybe it was all the damns that scared you away, that's fine. But when you miscarry then get pregnant with what only begins as another possible miscarriage then you can have some say. Until then, it's all about vulgarity here people. I know, I sound harsh, and you are probably sitting there calling me a jerk...I understand, really, if I was you I would steer very far away from me right now also. I am a hormonal, almost miscarrying woman at the moment with a huge anger management problem. What was my point? Oh yes, I am going to update the internet world anyway...maybe really the only person I am updating is God, which has to be a good thing because maybe he forgot that I exist and this might serve as a reminder that I could use a little help here. So, my update: Well, the good news is that I don't think I have miscarried yet. I am still spotting though and decided to stay home today and put myself on bedrest. The way I figure it is the less I move the less I bleed. The less I bleed the less the chances are that I will pass the pregnancy. I know, I am just prolonging what just might be the inevitable. But, it's worth a try. Oh, and I am taking 81mg of Aspirin, Baby Aspirin to be exact to try to keep this baby, it's orange flavored and it has been the highlight of this whole experience as I really I love the chewables. We go at 3:30 today to see what the doctor says. I am fully prepared for him to look at me like I am crazy. I mean, really, who the heck gets pregnant right after miscarrying? And here I am freakin out about miscarrying a few week old pregnancy, I must be disillusioned. But to me, it's a baby already. To me it's my baby already. And that is strange thing for me if you knew how I felt about these type of topics. But, I truly want this pregnancy and I will mourn once again if it miscarries...3 weeks or 30's important to me. So, I hold out as much hope as a person can who doesn't have much hope to hold onto. I hold out while swinging the never ending vines of the hormones and hope along the way I don't seriously injure someone. And, in the end, if this pregnancy also miscarries, I storm down my Gyno's door and force them to help me sustain for round #3.

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