Monday, April 11, 2005

Blinders on

So I am going to make this quick as there is not much to say after you have been on bedrest for 4 days. I could tell all of you how I watched re-run after re-run of Law and Order, but that would be pretty boring as it was just watching it. Sadly, I do love that show and the bedrest alone has ruined the experience for me. Heck it has ruined my love for MTV and Discovery Health and all things reality T.V. all together.

I am assuming that I did not miscarry this weekend. That is a good thing. I assume that because I haven't had a big bleed since Friday morning, just spotting, quite obnoxious. Of course, each day is a new milestone for me, I can't see passed it...I just take everything in 24 hr. increments, that is about all my mind can handle at the moment. I have put blinders on so I don't think about the days to come, I have to get through this one first and wake up in the morning with no blood, that is the goal. When I miscarried on March 11 with the first pregnancy I woke up covered, and when the bleeding with this pregnancy started it began early morning. Needless to say, I don't sleep much come 6:00 am. I toss and turn only forcing myself to sleep. I figure what good will it do me to discover a miscarriage at 6:00 am. I won't be able to stop it so I might as well get some rest and deal with it later. So far it has worked. I wake up each morning and just ask God to give me the strenght to get through this day and beg Him to protect this itsy bitsy life inside of me. I explain to Him how another miscarriage is not the desire of my heart. I hope He's listening.

My weekend in a nutshell? Very easy: it revolved around blood and boob checks (as they say the tenderness goes first before you miscarry). Not very glamorous for a Princess I must say.

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