I haven't posted for the last week because I have been thinking way to much. Has that ever happened to you? Way to many thoughts and not enough words?
Two or so years ago I went to therapy, hell, we should ALL go to therapy, I'm in no way embarrassed to admit that I was brave enough to face my past. It was in therapy that I realized that I had very unhealthy relationships with some of my family members, hell, with some of you reading this site (which you read at your own risk mind you). I have since learned how to set healthy boundaries and how to lower my expectations so I would not find myself overwhelmed with disappointment when people would not reciprocate the relationship the way I wanted them to. I've grown a great deal in that area and no longer feel like the families resident doormat and I think they have responded quite well to this, which really was their only choice.
Although I had the strength to set boundaries for my family, I never really found that same strength to do it to people outside of my family.
Since the post before last, the one where I embarrassingly opened up the sealed door to my past, it sorta conjured up emotions that I never knew I still had and it made me realize that some people that I refer to as my friends might not be exactly healthy for me. I guess since I grew up feeling like no one ever liked me I tend to hold onto friendships for dear life, even if they are tearing me down. I realized that I really need to let go of some friendships since that post, I've realized that these people look down on me for various reasons and I deserve more than that from those I choose to call my friends. Where I was forced to lower my expectations in regards to my family members, I've had to learn to set higher expectations for my friends that I choose to keep my life.
This past week I have found myself looking at different aspects of various relationships and picking them apart trying to figure out what is healthy and what I can do without at the moment.
However, I have not wanted to post because I feared that some of my friends who do read this site would think that I was referring to them. Let me make this crystal clear:
I'm not talking about you, please trust me. You are healthy in my life and I am thankful for each of the roles you play in my life.
But for those of you who will never read this post because you don't have access to this site, I quote, with pride, this little ditty I read in the back of a book:
"Welcome to my life, please don't bother to wipe your feet"