The Assignment

I can't write right now, sorry. I'm too busy posting over at Craigslist and I just can't stop. How to beat the winter blues? Simple, go through your Salvation Army box and post it and make money while you sit back and sip your glass of wine. It's just that easy.

You better watch out, I might go crazy and list the laptop. You know how much I could get for this?

In the meantime, why don't you all be a dear and help my sweet, lovely friend out who's working her ass off trying to get her darn degree. She has sent me an S.O.S. and I know that you, my most valuable readers would be very happy to help.

Apparently she is needing to give a speech, we all know how fun those are to do and even more thrilling is trying to find some topic to talk about to a group of people who are secretly listening to their iPods instead of you. She has decided to speak about workplace monitoring and blogs. Specifically she wants to know how you guys feel about your employers monitoring your amazing sites that I read each and every day. Do you think it should be allowed or not? Are they invading your privacy or do they have a right to know what you are doing since they are paying you? And how about this one: how do you feel about places firing their employees for their blogs? Now, if you don't really have a opinion or just don't know what to say, you're not free from this task. Instead you are asked to leave a linky love for info on this topic.

Okay? I expect to see a comment section chalk full of intriguing opinions that my lovely friend can use for this extremely important speech or I'm cutting you off. From what? I just don't know yet, but don't make me come up with something.

Oh, and while your at? See that nice little blue icon to my left? It's there for a reason. Each year the same lovely friend walks to raise money for the March of Dimes. She was personally affected when she lost her precious son Garrett who was born 11 weeks to soon and graced us with his life for 11 full days. He might not be here with us, but he left an impression on my heart and many others.

Confusion in the middle

I've got so many topics and things to say running through my mind right now that I wouldn't know where to stop. Since I've stopped watching those damn stats my blogging has changed for me in a good, wonderful way. I feel like I'm finally back to where I started and trust me, I don't want to turn back. But one downside to not watching the stats is that I sorta forget that this blog thing here actually exists and that lo behold some of you actually are still reading and I'm not writing! Now I have a back log of thoughts that jump around in my head and if I wrote like I think it wouldn't amount to that much of a coherent post. I've considered doing a number list but that is so played out and much to organized even for me Ms. OCD of organization. These thoughts aren't organized in my mind, they just go from A to Z and jump with a handful of confusion in the middle.

I do know this though: This year I did not go to Florida and holy hell can I feel that seasonal depression taking it's nasty claw and digging under my skin. I need SUN. I need Vitamin D. I need $400 of extra money laying around so I can buy a plane ticket.

When I get depressed I get tired and as much as I would love to just attribute my exhaustion on depression, D and the parental question it could be something else which I normally would disagree with but after going to the doctor last week (yes yes, I gave up and went...that's another tangent) it was discovered that, yes, indeed I have lost weight. I knew I had lost some weight because absolutely no jeans are fitting but what I didn't know was how low my weight has dipped. I stood shocked as the nurse moved the metal thingy on the scale into the 140's, I haven't seen a 1 and 4 together in my weight since high school. That means I'm at least 15 pounds lighter than I was pre-Camille. I wish I could say that I'm worried or upset but I'm the complete opposite, I'm thrilled and don't want to see the 150's creep back up but I know that it needs to. I'm not that obsessed. But I do wonder if that is the reason for the exhaustion.

I don't have much in my life to depress me right now. I just told D a few weeks ago how happy I was with my life, and I am happy. Maybe I just don't feel uppity though, but I realize how incredibly blessed I am. But when I do get in this type of funk I start to become hypersensitive and the things that I thought I put to rest just creep their ugly little heads back up. Like the two friendships that ended in my life recently. That has started to creep back up and no matter how much I try to shove it back into it's place it refuses to stay there.

I haven't talked about this here because as I was watching my stats like a hawk I was so nervous people who are involved in this huge mess might be reading and...GASP....find out that I was upset. And CRAP if they found out that I was upset they might get mad and me and find out that I'm really upset. But now I don't look at the stats so I don't care who's reading and I don't know who's reading so now I can say it.

Two friendships ended because of my site. Two people now refuse to be a apart of my life because of things that I expressed. And while they might be perfectly okay with this, I am not okay and I'm hurt still and I wish that I could stop caring. I pray for them everyday and worry about them still. I wish I wasn't like this. I want to be a damn brusher not a wearer but I wear with no pride.

Last night I went to a crafty thing way up North. The drive was relaxing and well needed but the event was held right around the corner from said friend who does not wish to speak to me. It hurt and it made very sad but there is nothing I can do about these situations except write about them here and let them go. So that is what I'm going to try for now.

See, we go from A to Z with a lot of confusion in the middle.

Normally

When I discovered that Becky tagged me for the 6 weird things meme I was taken back a bit. I mean, 6 weird things? There's nothing really that weird about me really. I personally think I'm quite bland and boring. I thought about it all weekend since I didn't have time to post at all with my Mom visiting and I've come up with a great compromise.

Instead of calling it 6 weird things about me, how about 6 things that I find extremely normal about me and think everyone else should adhere to:

1. I don't eat breakfast. I don't like the taste of breakfast. I do however live on coffee every morning. When I was pregnant I did eat breakfast though and the moment my milk dried up I sang praising at the thought at being able to stop.

2. I only stop the microwave on intervals of 5. Meaning, rather than stop the microwave at 1:18 I'll wait until 1:15. It just makes perfect sense to me.

3. I rotate my underwear drawer. When I put my laundry away I put the newly clean ones on the bottom of the pile so everything has an equal opportunity to be worn. It should also be noted that the entire drawer is folded.

4. I do the same thing with my dishes and silverware. And D's underwear drawer. Hell, I do it with a lot of things, okay?

5. I shower in the same exact order everyday. Shampoo, conditioner, bath gel, shave. Nothing is ever done out of order and if it is, the universe is thrown off for the entire day.

6. I can not go to sleep in an unmade bed even if it means I make it up 10 minutes before bedtime.

See? See how normal I am?

Okay, onto the tagging portion of the meme:

In no particular order I choose Heels, my siblings, Shokufeh, and last but not least and don't think I wasn't going to make you do it....FFG!

Sick-o

I'm not saying my birthday was awful, but when you've been running temperature for 7 full days, you begin to get a bit frustrated. Yesterday was no different, my body just wouldn't do it's thing even on my birthday.

There's no cute pictures of Camille in her Valentine's Day get-up.

There's not cute pictures of Camille in the mounds and mounds of snow we got.

If we would have taken any pictures it would have been of me curled up in a ball on the couch.

I think it might be time to call the doctor but I'm pretty sure all they are going to say is that I need to rest which honestly, we all know is a joke. I live in Antarctica, which means there's no family around, no one to come save me for 2 days and run this show in my absence.

Technically a fever is killing the bad germs so eventually I'll be the healthiest person around, right, right?

Hope your day was better than mine.

Blissful

Oh my, it's really been a loooooong 6 days here. Camille stopped vomiting on Tuesday but ran a temp for the next 2 days and was quite pitiful. By Friday I had had enough with being locked inside so we ventured out to Target where my worn out body decided to spike a temp and right there in the middle of the store the body aches set it. I bought some over the counter stuff, took it in the car and decided to drive around until I felt it kick it. I figured at least if I was driving I could sit and "relax" rather than being at home and chasing a whiney still sick one year old. I am finally better, sort of. At least better enough to attempt escaping again. Soon we'll venture out for a playdate where my daughter, for at least a blissful moment, will be entertained by someone other than me.

Happy Monday.

Hopefully I'll have something more intelligent to say later on in the week.

Scratch and Sniff

You smell that?

(sniff, sniff)

No? Come closer....little closer...okay, that's close enough.

Can't figure out the odd odor that is making you want to run for the smelling salts?

I'll clue you in:

It's a mix of Bath and Body Cotton Blossom and baby puke.

Oh yes, we got hit with the stomach bug, the first time in my 13 month span of motherhood and I must admit that I'm not so thrilled with this. We were at a Birthday Party on Saturday and apparently one of the monsters was still recovering. At least I'm not alone. I take great pleasure in knowing our *friend picked up the same virus at the party and oddly enough we discovered our puke covered wee ones around the same time yesterday: After afternoon naps. And even better we both were on the phone with one of our parental figures at the time.

It's a strange thing to walk into your child's room, half paying attention, because as mentioned above, you're on the phone and slowly it registers that you child is covered in something, you're not quite sure what it is but you are now noticing the aroma filling your nasal cavities.

And so went the rest of my evening finally ending at 3 a.m. which was the last time I was puked on. Since Camille woke up this morning she has kept everything in but is conked out in her crib since she didn't sleep a wink last night, nor did I but I'm afraid to nap because law states the moment I fall asleep she'll wake up.

Ain't Motherhood grand?

*I do still have friends and it should be dully noted that in order to keep these new friends they won't be reading this site...ever. Lesson learned, lesson learned.

Pesky Squirrels

It's time to move on.

It has taken me over 2 weeks to do so, but I'm finally there, I'm moving on.

I'm not going to stop this site but I have decided to turn off statcounter. The only way I can continue here is if I don't know who is reading because when I know who is reading, I censor myself.

I know each and every person who reads this site. I know who you are. I know where you are reading from, the exact location. I'm not going to pretend any longer like you're not here peeping into my life. I don't quite understand why you're still here or even how you got this website address again. No, I take that back, I know how you got this website again. You went into Google and searched and searched and searched. You searched through cache files. You searched on sites of my friends just to find this link. You're definitely persistent, I'll give you that. I don't quite understand why some of you insist on peeping into my life considering you barely know me. I'm chalking it up to flattery. So go on and read. Read to your hearts content, I just don't give a damn anymore. But I refuse to censor what I say any longer. Or even acknowledge that you're here. You're like the pesky squirrels on my deck that continue to eat out of the bird feeder no matter how much I yell and scream and bang on the window.

The rest of you: You're not pesky squirrels so I won't shoo you away instead I thank you for giving me a much deserved break.

Just so it's clear: Lurkers, I love you, don't leave, you are not pesky. Those who hold some type of grudge against me, you are the pesky's. Sorry Amy for the confusion!