It's been one of those weeks that should not have been that bad but turned out bad anyways. I should clarify because that statement is not entirely true. The week actually didn't turn out bad, it ended nicely but it's running start was bad, very bad.
I am, and I know I've mentioned this before, a hermit when it comes to dealing with life's little hiccups. I'm not one who finds comfort by being around others during frustrating times, I'm quite the opposite. Which is why my week turned out so bad, I mean began so bad. If I had just called a friend, set up playdates for Camille, just done something other than the nothing I found myself it would have been okay.
I'm stubborn.
Three whole days I stayed inside refusing to communicate with the outside world. By Wednesday I was going batty. It was a rock and hard spot type of argument I had with myself. I knew if I just went out I would feel a lot better. Going out though would obviously mean facing people and it was people that got me to this point so I just didn't want to deal with it.
Oh, did I mention that I also get extremely unreasonable when I become a hermit? Well, I do and it reminds me of a certain family member who shall remain nameless but that I love endlessly. This unreasonable side of me tells me that everyone is plotting against me and I should just remain inside. That same side tells you that everyone registered for library time without you and that is why there is only one slot open for Friday. It also schemes ways to catch them in their own game by emailing them and inviting them to go for walks at the park knowing full well that they won't respond because, ha, they're plotting to end their friendship with you. Guess how stupid that side feels when 2 of your 4 friends R.S.V.P. and would love nothing more than to see you. And the other friend who says she can't but you quickly assume that she is the mole in the group? Turns out she was spending time with a 90 year old woman that day. Jerk, that was me, not her. To make an already pathetic situation even worse, when I got invited over to a friends for lunch today I stupidly told her that she shouldn't feel obligated to invite me because, as you know, they are plotting to end their friendship with me which is precisely why the one friend announced while we all sat on the other friends patio that she is so glad we all found each other. Yet again, I'm a jerk. And a very paranoid one at that who should really just throw back a few more Martini's and loose the heck up because no one wants to be friends with someone who calls them a Mole.
I'm still a little hesitant about posting the nitty gritty about my life seeing that my site was being viewed by people I never invited in. I'm pretty sure it's safe for me to come back out and play, but right now I'm just going to hang low for another day or two and keep an eye on the IP address. But, I must say, all you guys just melt my heart. I was a little nervous that I would loose you, yeah, I guess I didn't give you all enough credit.
I'll be back on Friday but until then, here's a thought for you:
How is that the Super Dome in New Orleans has been fixed and spruced up and all ready for the game on Monday night but yet there are still way to many people living in trailers just waiting to have their homes repaired?
Is it that obvious that football is much more important than the people of New Orleans?
Just seeing if I can find myself via blogger's search option since apparently I'm being stalked!
It's absolutley ridiculous that I have to do this but I'll be watching this site like a hawk today. One IP address shows up that I don't know or don't want here, the site will have to come back down.
Yes my friends, one bad apple does spoil the internet but I promise you, if any bad apples do return, and the site does go back down, you will receive another email with new instructions!
Did I or did I not tell you I was going to be a wee bit late today?
See, I tell no lies. It's not like I actually had lunch today so it's fair, really.
I'm sad and really I know why and no one else does but that is okay because it's my fault for not wanting to share with people why I'm sad. But I am.
And, I also want D to go back to work. Yes yes, job offer came but still no start date and do you know what that means? I'm sure you do because you are a very very smart group of people but just in case you've had a long week and just not in the mood to put on your thinking caps I'll be more than gracious to tell you: No job, no paycheck. No paycheck, no pay the rent. No the pay the rent, no place to live.
You get the point, right? You can't squeeze blood from a rock folks but you can swallow your pride and accept help from kind family members. However, I still feel guilty going out to buy shoes for my daughter who can't even walk but kicks off her socks so that is why she needs the shoes. So she can't kick off the socks, duh! But, damn, I feel guilt. And I feel sad for everything that has gotten us here and oh crap, now I'm thinking and I've kept myself super busy today so I wouldn't go thinking again. I just want it to be over and have D go back to work and then I can almost pretend this was just some really bad dream but I pinched myself and woke up and breathed a big sigh of relief. Because, it's over.
But, it's not really over. It won't be over until we have a paycheck again.
Like I said, I'm sad and I didn't eat lunch today. Sometimes when I'm sad I loose my appetite. And I loose my attention span therefore leading into my main point: I did not find any new sites this week but before you stop being my friend, I will tell you this: It is a good thing you'll not have a new site to read because I want each and everyone of you to pop on over to Preemiehood and give a huge congrats to Elizabeth. See, she gave birth to a precious little boy last October. He was born early and lived for 6 months. Just when he was about to go home, he took a turn for the worse and passed away. All the while though, Elizabeth was pregnant with her second child, another son. It was a long and painful pregnancy ending up with her in bedrest. But, by the grace of God, on Monday, September, 11, a day of mourning for most will now be a day of rejoicing for some because Elizabeth gave birth to another beautiful little boy which they named Nolan. It has not even been a year since she gave birth to and lost her first son and has now become a Mommy again. So, let's give her some love.
I haven't posted all week and therefore I totally suck, I know that, really. But the thing is, it's not as if I don't have a ton of things to say I just don't know where to start. Okay, maybe I know where to start but I also know that it'll be that post that will just go on and on and become painfully to long. Let's admit it, no one here actually reads long painful post, no one, I don't care how bored you are at work.
Maybe I should just break them down into manageable parts. Let you guys read bits and pieces of it each day, what'cha think about that?
But before I can even begin that, I need to play catch up because I owe some people answers to tags and I'll be darned if another Lunch on Friday's goes by without one done! Which, just so you know, we're going to be eating lunch a wee bit late, m-kay?
So, my cousin Steph had posed a question about what I would do if i won $1 million dollars. It's funny because I already know what I would do. It wasn't a hard question because D and I have this little daydream regularly. First things first we would tithe.
Tithe? What? Isn't that from prehistoric times? Well, maybe to some of you, but for us, we still believe in it.
Funny thing is we have completely different ways of day dreaming. D day dreams like normal people do. I day dream, well, you'll see:
1.) Put our parents in a secure financial situation, with the exception of a the one(s) that are already there. I personally would make sure that my Mom would never have to worry about another bill for the rest of her life. That in itself is a 10 day post.
2.) Put us in a secure financial situation. Invest wisely to make sure that the money grows and is still there in 15 years.
3.) Put money aside for Camille and her (future one day but not now,no I'm not pregnant) sibling's college because I will give them no other choice then to go to college.
4.) Buy D a Porsche. He's the only man out there that I knew who deserves it the most. The 911 to be specific. That's his car and after all of this, I wish he could have it now.
5.) Finally, I would treat myself to a few items which might possibly include the words Franco and Sarto.
"I just wanted you to know that I'm okay" he said "You'll appreciate it later"
I hung up the phone, confused, but laughing a little. My brother in law was more like my brother and we constantly banter back and forth. I had know clue what he was talking about, probably another joke he was playing on me, but I played along.
"Okay, Tom, whatever you said" is most likely how I responded, that would be typical of me.
I went about my morning at US Airways where I was weeks away from securing a good job which meant amazing benefits, one which included free travel to anywhere. Just as I was about to go downstairs to get my morning coffee, one of my co-workers announced that the World Trade Center had just been hit. That it was hit by an airplane.
Now the phone call made sense as my mind immediately went to that panic button.
"Where's Tom?"
Oh, yes, he's okay. That's right, that's why he called. It wasn't his plane, he must have flown the day before and had Tuesday off. Thank God.
Just as we were allowing the news of the Tower to sink in our office filled with a sulfur, smoky smell. My coworker and I went outside to see what was going on. No one else wanted to go, afraid of what they would find. As we walked out the doors, the smell that was just lingering inside was hanging strongly over us. It was intoxicating. We went back in, and by then it had made the news.
The Pentagon had been hit. The Pentagon was a few miles down the street from our building. That was the root of the smell. The Metro was now shut down. Parts of I-395 was now shut down. I now had no way of getting home. My Mom was stuck in downtown D.C. Once again, panic set in. How were we going to get back to VA.
My coworker drove that day, thank goodness. She and I immediately ventured out to begin the long trek home. My Mom had caught the very last shuttle, she too was on her way back. As we drove, or shall we say sat, I began going through my mind routes that no one else would know. A road less traveled if you would. I remembered these back streets, thankfully I had for once paid attention to my Mom. We quickly veered to our right and found ourselves on a empty street heading straight for the ramp to I-395. We saw the Police bringing barriers out to shut the exit that was right in front of the Pentagon. They waved us through, but we would be the last car that would be allowed. As we entered I-395 I turned my head and the impact of the events slapped me right in the face as I saw the Pentagon, the pillar of security for our Nations Capital, in flames. Rescue workers were all over the scene, and I'm sure there was more going on around, but all I could focus on was the flames and it hit me that at that moment, innocent lives were being lost. Families were being torn apart.
September 11, 2001 has now, and will forever be, stamped in my mind. Every time I think of the events, that vision comes rushing back like the strongest wave.
Shhhhh.....turn off your TiVo or DVR and listen closely.
Hear it?
You want to know what that sound is?
That is the sound of someone exhaling the large amount of air they breathed in 3 weeks ago. And of course that someone is me. I can finally breathe again.
Now, if you've been keeping up with everything you already know what I'm about to say and you deserve a enormous gold star.
D was offered a job today.
There it goes again, that wonderful, relaxed feeling of exhaling.
He won't be able start probably for another few weeks, so it will still be a wee bit tight around here, BUT....there is a bright shining light at the end of this tunnel. You would have thought that someone just handed us a million dollars the way we were today. I've starred at D's cellphone for days now willing it to ring. Willing for the company to call. Just call, just ring, just do something. But for days now, there was nothing. The phone just sat there, useless. Last night desperation began to set in as our time is running out. This morning I whispered a prayer, well more of a plea, making God aware just how desperate I was feeling. "Please God", I prayed, "please come through today. I am running low on strength". And just moments later, as D was on the phone with Time Warner his cellphone finally rang as he finally announced that for once it was the call we had been anxiously waiting for. I do feel bad for the poor Time Warner lady because as she proudly went over she schpeel I was forced to interrupt her and announce that she was no longer speaking to Mr. {my husband's last name}, that he had to go take a more important call, I think she forgave me.
I'm sure I will be writing more about all of this later, but for now,before we can sit down for lunch, I need to thank each and every one of you for your amazing support. Almost all of you I will never actually meet in person but feel such a awesome connection with. Each of you, your thoughts, prayers and kind words have meant so much. And, of course, your dedication to this little site of mine, for coming back even after I spew my frustration day after day, well, that means so much, so so much.
I'm so happy today is Friday because this will be the first weekend that D and I will actually be able to enjoy. Weekends have been bad because interviews and job offers don't come on Saturday's and Sunday's. But this weekend? I think we're going to go shopping for new work pants. Boring? Possibly. Mundane? Sure. But for us, it symbolizes a end of a season, one I don't ever want to see again.
Now, as you can imagine, I'm estatic and want nothing more than to read something that will make me laugh harder than I usually would and I have found just the site. Oh my gosh, D has been looking at me like I've finally snapped and gone looney as I have been unable to control my laughter. It starts as a snicker but then I just erupt and I'm sure you will too. So if you're reading this at work, please, I warn you, you might want to wait until you get home to read Hello insomnia. She's great! She's a new, young Mama of a sweet little boy. After reading her obligatory about me page, I found myself, aside from sheer laughing, impressed by her wonderful writing style and I'm pretty sure you will to.
Enjoy your weekend, and give yourselves a big hug from me. Now, when I hug people, I tend to do that little rub of the back thing with my right hand. So, just to make it authentic, you might want to throw that in for good measure!
See, I just don't know exactly how else to talk about stress. Well, no, I do. I really could write a lot on the subject matter and post but then you would find yourself strangley thinking "Same song different verse, little louder little worse" while you quickly delete me off your link list because seriously, you're just sick of reading the same ole' thing everyday.
Hence why I don't post because I would prefer to loose readers due to lack of post rather than droning posts.
But then, I look at my statcounter for the day and am fully prepared to see that no one is even checking this site anymore because, ha, if I was you after Friday's oh so happy post, I too would stop reading. But guess what though? You all are still there patiently waiting for a sign while leaving comments that just warm my heart.
You dear internet are amazing and I love you.
I really wanted to post a video of Camille saying duck but then I got all freaked by **this situationand decided against it. However, I have come up with a alternative, don't worry. If you want to see the video, leave a little comment here for me and if I know for certain that you won't be going over to some MySpace account and plastering it all over while claiming her cuteness as your own, I'll send you the link, sounds good? Now, I promise, this will end soon and I will be able to go back to writing about whatever the heck it was I wrote about before D lost his job, like it was even exciting then!
**Now, I know what you're thinking. I'm going against my own code and linking to one of the popular girls and we all know how I feel about bandwagon blogging. I like Amy and have nothing against her. Actually, she's been a big encouragement twice now during this whole pregnancy/motherhood journey through a couple emails so I won't speak bad of her. But, I just don't think I need to add to my link list sites that get over 200+ comments a day. Instead I prefer to link to folks whose sites don't get that much but also deserve that kind of readership
***Okay, yes, I do have S.J. linked there and really she is one of the popular kids but she too has been a great support and I love her. Plus she's called me drunk before and sooo is the reason I absolutely love Napoleon Dynamite to this day, so, yeah.
First off, I'm not going to be proof reading this because time is ticking and Camille is still sleeping and she really needs to be awake right now but you people come first sometimes. Love? Yes, that is love you feel!
Now, I realize that it is 4:45 p.m. and way past lunch time. I also realize that I'm getting S.O.S.'s from many people just wanting for me to post something to let you know I'm okay. And of course I'm the jerk that has been home since Noon'ish and has just ignored you.
See, for most people this is a fun filled 3 day weekend. Wahooo! Let's go on vacation and relax and celebrate the last weekend of Summer. But if you're me (and thank the Lord God Almighty you're not, trust me) you are kinda, no really annoyed because, great, a freakin 3 day weekend which means all business will be closed until Tuesday which means? Um, hello? No one calls over the weekend to offer you a job or heck, maybe even a freakin interview! So, 3 long ass days of waiting. The story of my life as the clock ticks closer and closer to the point of which I will hit the panic button. I'm already hating this weekend.
You must also know that I have the attention span of a curious 8 month old right now and just can't seem to sit long enough to read even numbers on the microwave. I'm sure many of you see that I'm visiting your sites but, um, no comments? Yeah, rude I tell you. But constructing any type of logical thought is just difficult.
And who really cares though! Does any of the new sites give a rats ass that I'm highlighting them? I think not. Honestly I feel like I'm just wasting my time here, or maybe I'm just so agitated at life in general that I'm over reacting. But either way, once again, a big time blogger that shall remain nameless is doing the same thing I'm trying to do here.
How about this. Since I have no attention span today, how about I leave you with two sites that seem interesting but that I just can't focus enough on to read and you tell me which one you like the best! Okay? Sounds good? Oh, and while you're at it? Can you tell me if I should keep this Lunch on Friday thing and stop with the negativity here or if I should just end here because it is really lame and you guys are finding it boring. Mmmkay?
Two sites you read and critique are:
For the short amount of time that I was able to stay focused, I think I really like this site...a lot. I found this postof hers very well written and couldn't agree anymore with her. Oh, and it doesn't hurt that she has an adorable baby!
Now, this site seemed interesting for the quick moment I read over it. And she has a son named Owen and I really like that name. Anyone who would name their son Owen has to write a great site.
It's freedom of choice today people without the nasty politics, so choose or loose.
